I read the accounts of the Last Supper from the different gospels last week. As I did, I began to tear up. I had a glimpse into that moment. My heart was with Him.
I imagined sitting with my friend, the most gentle and kind person I've ever known. I imagined this person offering me everything. Offering me ordinary items that I had partaken of many times, items that would come to mean so much more. This time it was different. This time we knew we wouldn't be together long. This time I knew my precious, tender friend would pay the ultimate price for me.
I should be grateful. I should be filled with awe. Instead I was just so sad. I didn't want to lose my friend. It was all so unfair. Even with all I'd seen, I didn't understand.
And I don't understand. The atonement is such an incredible miracle. Such a gift of ultimate tenderness and love. A gift from a friend. It has saved me so many times. It has healed me. When I've been a victim. When I've messed up. When I've hurt and not understood the pain.
I do not understand. But I am grateful. And I miss my friend.